| 11 March 2009
The weirdest thing happened to me tonight while watching tonight's game on TSN. Throughout the broadcast, the tandem of Gord Miller and Pierre Maguire couldn't help but reiterate that this was a game between two non-playoff teams. During one stoppage in play, the two spent a good minute or two discussing the traumatic effect that the women of Ottawa must be suffering with the departure of Antoine Vermette and the influx of celebrity girlfriends in the Nation's Capital.
While I would consider this par for a Sun Media publication, I couldn't help but get annoyed at this Ben Mulroney'esque drivel. Later on during the second period, Pierre and Gord explained that Martin St. Louis was a bubble candidate who had a lot to prove justifying a roster spot on the 2010 Canadian Olympic Men's Hockey Team. Believe it or not, this was perfect segueway for Pierre's to smatter his love-child, Sidney Crosby, with literary fellatio. Maybe it's just me, but it's March of 2009 and personally, as a Sens fan, I can't give two shits which Canadian all-stars will flank Crosby next January. Odds are, they'll be better than Ruslan Fedotenko or Miro Satan and Crosby will be the better for it.
Well, after opening the hot topic of international competition, Pierre mentioned how this season would mark the first time that Mike Fisher would miss the playoffs in either junior or professional hockey. Consequently, he mentioned that Fish expressed his desire to participate at the World Championships once the season was over.
By this point, I was fucking pissed. All I could think was:
"Hey asshole, they've won three in a row and haven't been mathematically eliminated yet."
And there you have it. Tonight I turned into that sensationalist fan that I swore I wouldn't become. (Please note: I'm still not the kind of sensationalist fan who feels compelled to call in to the Post Game Show to inexplicably shit on Jason Spezza after a win.) I had become that delusional fan who hasn't given up hope that the Sens can make a run at things. After last night's victory, I had to call my friend Francois to make a startling confession:
"I think the Sens can make the playoffs."
"Playoffs?! You kidding me?! Playoffs?!" - Francois, doing his best Jim Mora imitation
Laughing, Francois says, "Come on, they're still 13 points back."
"Yeah but if they win tomorrow in Boston, they'll be 11 points back. They have one or two games in hand and I think they still have a shot. They're playing relaxed, like they have nothing to lose."
"If the they make the playoffs, aren't you worried that making the playoffs might take so much out of them that there would be a significant let down in the first round?"
"Yeah, but conversely, name me a team that's going to want to face an Ottawa team that ran the table at the end of the season as opposed to a stumbling team like the Canadiens?"
"Ha, the only fans who'd be pissed off are those fans that are banking on a lottery pick to be either Hedman or Tavares."
And he's right. I think the only fans who'd be pissed off are those strategizing fans who'd think that this team would be better situated to compete over the long haul rather than take another kick at the can this year. In retrospect, you can't really blame fans for their unbridled pessimism. Sens fans are like a Pavlovian dog experiment, in the sense that we've been conditioned to give up when we receive a negative stimulus. When Eugene Melnyk's proclaimed that everything would miraculously work itself out, we scoffed. When Hartsburg's passive style was being employed, we blamed the players. When Gerber kept letting in deflating goals at the beginning of the season, we dropped to the floor and curled into the fetal position.
Right now, this is about history. Can you remember back to the All-Star break when the experts announced that no team had come back to make the postseason after accumulating a point deficit similar to Ottawa's? Well, Ottawa's got a puncher's chance to make the playoffs and can set a League precedent in the process.
Going back to my friend Francois, he had the perfect analogy for this year's team. If they make the playoffs, it'd be like the sports equivalent of Little Miss Sunshine. Think of the parallels:
The grandpa's heroin addiction would be like Craig Hartsburg's system in the sense that it finally did him in about halfway through the season.
The unquoteable Dany Heatley is the mute brother who finds a voice during the season, only you realize that he doesn't exactly have the nicest things to say.
Mike Fisher is like Steve Carrell's character in the sense that he was in the dumps early on but seems to be feeling better about himself as the season goes on.
Alfredsson is like the mother who holds all the pieces together.
And Eugene is like Greg Kinnear who, in the face of adversity, insisted that the team (family) would miraculously get to the playoffs (competition). Eugene insisting that Ottawa needed a tweak here and there is akin to Kinnear repeatedly spouting that his "winners and losers" idea just needed one little break to get that lucrative publishing deal.
Even the yellow van can be represented by the defensive core as a whole. Despite him faltering a bit at the middle of the season, it's performing a little better but is still the achilles for the club. It's okay but you can't rely on it to get the job done come crunch time. Brendan Bell is like the annoying horn and Jason Smith is the wonky gear shift that gets the job done from time to time but overall, you can't trust him. The four wheels represent the other four defencemen and the spare tire represents Alexandre Picard in the sense that if one of the tires blows, you'll pull this guy out of the trunk to realize that it's already flat and has a low tolerance for pain.
And who's the little girl? Brian Elliott of course. He got called up cause the incumbent goalies were playing so poorly. It mirrors how the little girl was asked to fill in at Little Miss Sunshine because some of other competitors dropped out, all the while knowing he isn't quite not ready to be in their league.
Like Little Miss Sunshine, this Senators club can write a feel-good underdog story heading down the stretch. Will they reach the final competition? Can Elliott be successful there? Will we all dance to Rick James' Superfreak, once we realize that the dream is over? Time will tell. I'm just hoping that the Sens drop their drawers and take a steaming dump on the Canadiens playoff aspirations along the way.
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