| 17 March 2009
Coming off an impressive win over the Buffalo Sabres, the Sens next game will be at home on Thursday night against the Habs. Considering the importance of the game and the fact that some Canadiens fan comfortably showed up to last night's game wearing a Carey Price jersey without repercussion, I figured it'd be an opportune time to turn up the hate on a divisional rival that truly deserves it.
Why was Alexei Kovalev sent home for a couple of games?
a) He's an enigma.
b) He had a mysterious injury.
c) Russia sent him on a mission to fly his plane to the North to test NATO's response.
Why was Guy Carbonneau fired?
a) There was disassociation between the young kids and the veterans.
b) He couldn't improve their Power Play.
c) He spoke english 30% of the time when his contract clearly stated he could only speak english 20% of the time.
What do the 'C' and 'H' in the Canadiens logo represent?
a) The letters refer to the Club de Hockey Canadien.
b) They did their best shape the logo in the form of a toilet bowl.
c) You can't spell choke without a C and an H.
Why did Elisha Cuthbert leave Mike Komisarek?
a) She's a slut.
b) He's a slut.
c) She wanted to be with a defenceman who deserves a $6.0M salary.
d) All of the above.
Why did Patrick Roy want out of Montreal?
a) He wanted to win another Cup.
b) Mario Tremblay's an idiot.
c) He secretly wanted to always be a part of the Nordiques gang.
Why has Carey Price's Game Gone South?
a) Bad positioning.
b) A lack of confidence.
c) Instead of honing his game at optional skates, he's too busy honing his eyebrows in front of the mirror.
Why do Habs fans chant Ole, Ole, Ole during hockey games?
a) It's a call to remind fans to indulge in soccer hooliganism after the game.
b) It helps to maintain their faux-Eurotrash visage.
c) They figured it'd be suitable since their owner, Gillette, owns Liverpool of the English Premier League.
d) All of the above.
Why were three Habs players' names heard on an RCMP tape?
a) The players lacked the game to meet women on their own.
b) Even the mob was talking about the Kostitsyn twins looked like Golem from Lord of the Rings.
c) Coincidence?
Why were Habs fans so hung up on the Vinny Lecavalier rumors?
a) They were the only ones dumb enough to believe them.
b) They needed some reason for optimism this year.
c) The 100th anniversary angle was played out by reporters by October.
d) All of the above.
Why did a GM with a career coaching winning percentage below 500 decide he was better suited for the job than the current guy, with only 16 games left?
a) He thinks that he can get Kovalev to produce.
b) The team was struggling under Carbonneau.
c) After failing for two consecutive years to make a splash at the Deadline, Gainey thought this would suffice.
Why do Habs fans boo Mats Sundin?
a) They thought he actually wanted to play there.
b) They're spiteful pricks.
c) It's too demanding on the vocal chords to boo every player who doesn't want to play in Montreal so they pick figureheads.
Why was Jacques Plante the first to don a mask?
a) He was hit in the face with a puck.
b) He's a pussy.
c) He was hiding a cold sore that he picked up off of a Montreal stripper.
Why does Pleckanec wear a turtleneck?
a) To hide a horrible birthmark.
b) After reading Twilight, he's completely into the vampire culture.
c) It helps conceal the wire the RCMP asked him to wear to investigate his teammates.
Why do Habs fans chant the "Sha-na-na-nah-hey-hey-hey-Goodbye" song three games into the regular season?
a) They're over-indulgent dicks.
b) They're chanting it at the home team when the Habs are getting blown out.
c) It's the most meaningful hockey they'll play all season.
d) They think it's their divine right to win the Cup in their centennial anniversary.
Why was Guy Lafleur charged with obstruction of justice?
a) He was covering for his son.
b) He loves his son.
c) During questioning, he blew smoke into the investigator's eyes while occasionally indulging in Molson Ex and cheese curds.
Why did the organization bring in Youppi as a mascot?
a) It reminds Montrealers of how the '94 Expos were screwed out of the MLB playoffs because of the Strike.
b) They lacked the creativity to create their own mascot.
c) The organization needed something to boost the entertainment value at the Bell Center.
Why do Habs fans call Georges Laraque Big Georges Laraque?
a) It's the only positive thing that they can say about the guy.
b) He'd kick the crap out of them for referring to him as The Big Bag of Shit.
c) They're referring to his cap hit.
d) All of the above.
Why was Carey Price photographed smoking a cigarette in Mexico?
a) He wanted to follow in the footsteps of Guy Lafleur.
b) He knew he wouldn't be smoking a cigar in celebration of a Stanley Cup victory any time soon.
c) He was unwinding after watching his first live sex show featuring a donkey.
Why did Souray and Streit leave the Habs?
a) Montreal lacked cap room.
b) Both players received big contracts elsewhere.
c) Management felt their offensive production could respectively be replaced by O'Byrne and Brisebois.
Get your hate on Ottawa. Why else do you hate the Habs?
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