| 15 June 2009
My Birthday Wishlist
1. Dany Heatley coming out of a cake during pre-game celebrations before Dynamo Minsk's first KHL game next season to commemorate the first year of his 10 year contract. This occurs after weeks of deliberation when Bryan Murray makes Dany Heatley publicly admit his favourite band is Kings of Leon (intolerable) and is unconditionally released from the Senators.
2. Miraculously the Senators discover during background checks of their marketing department that every single employee once worked for the XFL. The third jerseys have the sleeves cut off and are sent to Minsk, the home and away jerseys are sent to back to Turbo Grafx 16-land where they were born and the original 2D jerseys are returned like WW2 pillaged art with great applause.
3. Landsdowne Park is brought up to code and is used as a dual sport stadium. It becomes home to the MLS in the summer and the annual outdoor Senators classic in the winter. The CFL is relegated to playing home games at Smiths Falls District Collegiate Institute, where their largest base of supporters resides (aside from people suffering from dementia who still think its 1965). The members of Ottawa's CFL team are hired in the winter to shovel the stands. Don Brennan is consequently taken off the Senators beat.
4. The Edmonton Oiler and St. Louis Blues writers come to their senses and realize that for all of Dany Heatley's faults, his reputation still scores more goals than anyone they've had on their sorry ass teams in years. Also the Edmonton writers dedicate the front page of the sports section, below the fold, to note the irony that a guy with a NTC wants to COME to their city and the Blues writers figure out what it's like to bring in a player who hasn't played in the AHL recently or been captured against their will through the draft.
5. CanuckNik, my favourite 6th Sens reader, writes a detailed novel titled 'My Life, My Colloquialisms'. It jumps to #1 on the New York Times best sellers list and trumps Yogi-isms as the standard for sports sayings. I also hope he gets his puck moving defenseman.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kVLrA0yCtP4&hl=en&fs=1&]
| < Prev | Next > |
|---|
