| 13 June 2009
I was forwarded a link regarding a claim by a Sens Buzz hockey blog which states...
I got a text from a source who says Steve Tambellini, GM of the Edmonton Oilers, has offered Bryan Murray a package for Dany Heatley, Jason Smith, and Christoph Schubert. The trade would see Heatley and Smith go to the Oilers for Tom Gilbert, Patrick O'Sullivan, Riley Nash, and the 10th overall pick in the 09 Draft. What do you think Sens fans?So, I guess I'm considered a Sens fan and from time to time, I do have thoughts. However, just one thought entered my mind when I read this.
HOCKEY DAD FIST FIGHT.
In a time long ago I had a brain child about a rap group named Hockey Dad Fist Fight. My friend also named Tim, wrote a 5 song demo with me but we never recorded it. It featured songs like 'Bad in Plaid', 'Drinkin' at the Rink', 'Coors Light Fist Fight' and the runaway single 'My Dad DID Beat Up Your Dad'. Anyways, having someone like Patrick O'Sullivan could provide Sens fans with an opportunity to create a memorable cheering section we've all been craving for years. Just in case you're not familiar with cheering sections, here's a quick list off the top of my head of some of my favourites.
MannyWood.
The Padilla Flotilla
Randy's 'Wolf Pack'.
Well, with a guy like Patrick O'Sullivan whose demons outweight his hockey skills, if we were to get fleeced in a deal like the one Sens Buzz proposes, it would only be appropriate if the fans Brennaned O'Sullivan right out of town. (I can't wait til Heatley and Brennan have their first run in after all mud Don has sucker slung at him over the past few days ie. 'Suck Hole'). So I like this deal because it will allow the Sens faithful, I mean the REALLY faithful -- the ones with no taste or judgement -- to create the 'Hockey Dad's for Sully' cheering section. This section will allow the mingling of lawyers, childrens aid workers, those living with dead dreams and of course, hockey dads.
This cheering section would be the only redeeming quality for a trade such as this and just might give my long dead brainchild a chance at becoming reality.
I hope you all realize this trade proposal is as much of a joke as this blog entry was intended to be.
EDIT:
I guess some little babies need things spelled out for them. Here is why this trade is a joke.
1. O'Sullivan makes 3 million dollars a year and is shit. What a 20 some odd goal scorer at the best of times (coming off a stellar 16 goal campaign in 2008-09) and he's already 24? Amazing! looks like this guy is the answer to losing a perennial all-star 40+ goal scorer for years to come. He might as well get 'Bust' tattooed on his face.
2. Gilbert - Yeah, just what we need, another soft, mediocre offensive defensemen who's scared to hit. Wicked. Can't ever have enough of these! Did i mention he makes 4 million? Sounds like another bad contract.
3. I don't know what a Riley Nash is but hockey's future told me. I wish a Riley Nash was different than what it is.
"Nash's upside is somewhere between a defensively responsible second liner and a relatively offensively gifted checker."Can you hear the sounds of my eyes rolling? Again, do we really need another 3rd liner? I guess it would be consistent with icing a team made up of primarily 3rd line forwards. The sounds of me rolling my eyes is now drowned out by the sounds of canceled season tickets. Imagine him and Chris Kelly, Chris Neil on the same line, they could be the MOPMI line (The most overpaid, the most ineffective line.) Or maybe, the CCR line (Chris, Chris and Riley) because they're clearly the worlds most fortunate sons (Sure, you can pay me millions to be a bad hockey player too - no problem!).
4. 10th overall pick - the only redeeming quality from this trade. At least this player won't have a chance to make our team worse for another 2-3 years.
So in conclusion, we become a much worse team who still isn't able to score enough goals to keep our heads above water, but at least some online armchair G.M. (nerd) somewhere got his rumor spread around. This trade is nowhere near an acceptable value for Heatley, but at least it would allow us to get Smith and Schubert off the books and off the roster (although I'm not sure why EDM would want a guy considering retiring?)
It would also guarantee the Senators the first overall pick in the 2010 draft and fans acting on Mr. Melynk's advice and blowing up themselves (See Eug, that's how to avoid using a preposition). We'd score even less goals than last year, and that doesn't bode well for anyone.
There you go "Mr. I wasted 3 minutes of my Sunday reading your verbal abortions", now you can go back to wasting 3 minutes of your life at a time having sex with your build-a-bear instead of bothering with my article.
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