| 18 January 2009
My apologies for the lack of a blog lately. The past few days have been consumed by preparations for my brother's wedding this weekend. And if anyone from Tip Top Tailors is reading this: Thanks for wrongly measuring the length of my inseam, I really dug the look of having pants that were three inches too short. Anyways, because of my recent schedule, I'm going to throw up an open letter blog to Bryan Murray. I already know what you readers are thinking:
Hey Graeme, what a cliche thing to do for a blog. Write an open letter. How original!
And you're probably right. If only ripping off a blog concept was as profitable as sampling two of the more popular guitar riffs in rock history and laying some shitty, fucking lyrics on top. Ah well, maybe you can take comfort in the fact that I'm not typing this entry while wearing a white, wife-beater while gazing at pictures of my Hep-C riddled ex-girlfriend.
Well, fuck it. Here we go:
Mr. Murray:
I'm writing because I realize that you probably feel awful considering Bruce Garrioch gave you a D+ grade in his midseason report card. Based on who it's coming from, you shouldn't be taking it too hard. Especially since Boo Boo broke the Malkin to LA story in the summer. Don't you remember calling Ray Shero to inquire about Malkin's availability and he laughed at you? Well, hopefully you've learned your lesson and you won't invest too much time thinking about it. Especially since you'll have some critical decisions to be made regarding the futures of some veteran players as we approach the NHL trade deadline.
That being said, you need to put an end to the era of the Dumb Penalty Face. I realize that it's going to be difficult to resist your urge to resign Chris Neil before he becomes an unrestricted free agent on July 1st. However, as irreplaceable as the Dumb Penalty Face is, Neil's expendable and it's essential that you don't overpay a complimentary player who averages the 3rd-least amount of icetime amongst regulars (10:47). Granted, he's a decent skater who will hit people and occasionally drop the mitts but who cares? We're quietly approaching a time in the season when everyone and their dog will scrutinize the weaknesses of each Playoff bound club. It's a classic example of Business 101: Know your market. Maximize the value of a commodity while it's high. There's no question that teams will be lining up to acquire Neil, he plays a physical game that teams salivate over. You know that Montreal team you played the other night? They're small and lack a physical presence up front. In fact, if they weren't ignorantly blind, their fanbase would be insecure over how soft their forwards are.
How do I know this? I SURVIVED THE JOHN MUCKLER ERA AND LIVE TO TELL THE STORY. I remember the years spent trying to shed the Soft label. I've endured shitty acquisitions like Rob Ray and Vaclav Varada (who netted the Sabres a former 1st round - and who cares if Jakub Klepis was a bust, it's the principle). Judging from last year's trade deadline, the return for trading a player of Neil's ilk is ridiculously high. Imagine parlaying Neil's 10 minutes and 47 seconds into a second round pick and a prospect? Based on last year's deals, it's entirely possible. Hell, Brian Sutherby netted the Capitals a 2nd rounder and the latin translation of Brian Sutherby's name is a pile of shit.
If you're worried about the fan reaction to losing a long-tenured player, don't. Sure, the real nutzoid ones will call in to the local radio stations and vent their anger. The next day, they'll wake up and realize that the sun still came up in the morning. As fans, we'll get over it. Just like with time, I'll learn to replace my love for the Dumb Penalty Face with the Chris Phillips Oh Fuck Off! Despite Spinning That Guy Around With My Arm, I Clearly Didn't Interfere With Him Face.
Oh and Bryan, if you want to check out my other rebuilding plans, just click here. Even Sens Chirp is buying into the origins of my Erik Cole rumor - so it must have some merit.
Thanks for listening Bryan. You're the best.
Sincerely,
Graeme Nichols - The 6th Sens
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