Thinking Out Loud...

Written by Nichols

Monday, 30 June 2008 10:56

After dwelling on the Robitaille debate for another night, I thought of a great comparison to parallel his struggles as a player despite his linemates. Last season, Robitaille couldn't produce results despite his consistent use on the top line. Essentially Randy was our very own version of Screech Powers from Save by the Bell fame. Screech was best friends with two of the coolest guys at Bayside: Zack and Slater. While these two were busy wheeling Kelly and Jessie, Screech rarely used his coolness by association to get any loving from Lisa. Like Screech, Randy's production equated to comic relief.

Who knows? Maybe to boost league interest, Randy can launch his own sex tape as well. He could even package his flick using hockey terms like: Third Man In; Two Minutes for Roughing; Puck; Obstruction: Hooking; The Puck's Been Blown Dead (murder mystery porn); or 5-Hole.

Ironically, Robitaille wouldn't be the first to use sexual exploitation to grab some headlines. Last season, Leafs prospect Jiri Tlusty took pictures of himself naked with a camera phone and they somehow found their way onto the Internet.

You have to love the technological era that we currently live in. If it wasn't for the Internet, we never would have access to gems like this Kyle Wellwood photo. When originally waived by the Leafs, I couldn't understand why. When healthy for the 2006-2007 season, he was producing at a point-per-game clip. When this picture started to circulate the 'Net, it's apparent that conditioning is not his forte. I don't know if it's because that waifish blonde is beside him but check out the size of that gunt!

Don Brennan

Who wants to bet that Ottawa Sun reporter Don Brennan has that picture laminated and stapled to his cubicle wall? For those who are unfamiliar with Brennan's body of work (if you want to call it that). He's the worst scribe on the Sun's staff and he frequently uses his column to tap into his "inner-self" (Dude's still 14 years old). Often you can find that his columns are filled with garbage like how he came across a good looking career waitress at Hooter's. Earlier in the week he covered the fact that the recently drafted Erik Karlsson thought Ottawa girls weren't that attractive. Here's the latest nugget of knowledge that Brennan imparted upon Sun readers today:

"Off the ice, with the tan and long blond hair, he'll offer an appealing contrast to the team's female followers who are already missing Wade Redden, a stalwart the Senators hope Lee can help replace."

In response to his article, I sent Don an email. Here's what I wrote:

Hey Don,

Loved the article today. Especially this part: "Off the ice, with the tan and long blond hair, he'll offer an appealing contrast to the team's female followers who are already missing Wade Redden, a stalwart the Senators hope Lee can help replace." It's nice to see that hockey writer here is in tune with who's the man candy on the team. Maybe while you're at it you can let us know what you thought of the finale of Gossip Girl.

Thanks,
Graeme Nichols

Don Brennan's Rebuttal

Ha. Not sure what gossip girl is but I do have a number of female friends who love Redden.

Also comfortable with my own sexuality.

Thanks Graeme

From Ottawa With Love

Apparently word has it that Ray Emery has received an enticing offer worth millions to entice him to play in Russia. If this contract comes to fruition, I'm hoping Ray will stick to his tradition of having boxers painted on his mask. If he signs in Russia, I will start a petition demanding that Ray Emery paint Apollo Creed on his mask. Speaking of Apollo, this scene is perhaps the most unintentionally hilarious scene in the history of movies. DISCLAIMER: ONLY THOSE WHO ARE LIKE DON BRENNAN AND ARE COMFORTABLE WITH THEIR SEXUALITY SHOULD PRESS PLAY. THIS SCENE CONTAINS ENORMOUS AMOUNTS OF HOMO-EROTICISM [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wvHQMxcB4E&hl=en]
No way does Stallone beats a steroid abusing Carl Weathers in a dead sprint. Weathers wasn't even out of breath at the end of that scene. There's no way that he didn't let up. It ruined the credibility of the training montage...well, until they started hugging it out in the ocean.

McGrattan's Gone? NOOOOO!!!!!!

Have I mentioned lately that I love the Phoenix Coyotes? Why, you ask. Well, simply because they've historically proven that they are willing to acquire Sens players who we've thought to have little value. After getting fleeced in the Mike Comrie for Alexei Kaigorodov deal, Phoenix ponied up a 5th round pick to acquire Brian McGrattan. It's actually amazing that Bryan Murray was able to get something for a player who was not going to receive a qualifying offer to remain in Ottawa. Perhaps the most interesting bit of information came from Murray when he said,

"From my point of view, I want our team to kind of knock the label of a dysfunctional room, if that's the right word. With Ray and Brian and people like that, all I ever heard were the stories of all these guys doing different things ... I want a team of real character people, as best I can, and I want very definitely good people in our room."

Translation: The front office knows Emery and McGrattan are douchebags off the ice. What Murray said is essentially an admission that these guys alienated the club. You think Murray cares what Joe Public thinks of the character of certain players? Hell no! As the former coach, Murray knows what's going on in that room and right now, he's purging the roster of les incompetents. It also makes you wonder about the personnel moves being made by the Coyotes. Is the acquisition of McGrattan really the right thing to do for a roster that is composed of young, elite talent? It'll be interesting to see how his presence affects the decision making skills of the players inside that room.

Enjoy your Canada Day! Don't forget to sport your fake tattoos and remember to belt out the lyrics to your favorite Nickelback tune!